> I practice all my smiles, different styles,
> I win the race by miles
> No-one's allowed to be more fun than me
> Don't want the world to see…

Twisterbait's Popstars 🎵

youtu.be/UUWxkOQxWb8

New deadlift personal record: 205lbs 🏋🏽‍♂️

I hate it when I wake up and my eyelashes are shaved on the sides, and the ones in the middle are standing straight up. Yeah, it's punk eye.

Hey there! Long time no talk! I decided to reach out to friends today, and that included you. Hope you're having a great day!

This is a new one. I was buying some headphones online and the store has an option to leave a tip. 🙃

Wife: you need to prepare the turkey

Me: *sits turkey down* dude this isn't gonna be a good day for you

(credit: @ArfMeasures)

Found on craigslist free stuff:



🫡

I joined Mastodon 🐘 and suddenly I have an urge to start posting shit again. I give it three months, tops. Just like last time. 😅😭

It finally happened. 👴🏽👓 I hope you're happy.

I wonder if other people secretly hate me the way I secretly hate then?